Thursday, June 30, 2005

my day

I am so glad that I am back into my routine. I am super tired tonight because I just took 2 sleeping pills so I can relax and get some good sleep tonight. I have been so stressed lately but I will get over it. Work is driving me nuts. My stepmom called me at work this morning to see why Anna can not go with them and then she got all huffy on the phone and hung up on me. She did send me an apology but I don' t think she gets it.

James called for Anna today and I told her to call him back. I let her know that if she does not want to see him that it is ok to tell him that and he will not do anything about it because I will not let him. James thinks that it is ALL my fault that Anna is not around (I will not lie I do not want her around him) but I will leave the choice up to her because I know how she feels about the whole situation. Anyways, Anna talked to my sister who would not get James on the phone until I made a fuss that he called and he needs to talk to Anna. He was whining like a little baby because she did not call or see him on fathers day and Anna's response to that was "we were really busy" he tried to get her to say that I was the one who kept her away from him on fathers day and she said "We were really busy(again)." When he asked her if she was going to stay with him this weekend she looked at me like she was scared to say no and then she just said "no".............he was so mad! He said "Anna when you figure out what you want to do....." he left it at that and slammed the phone down. YES! He slammed the phone down on my baby. He is so mature.

This was my was yours?

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

James Part 10

I moved back in with mom for the second time but this time I got a Christmas job at a department store even though I was 7 almost 8 months pregnant with Anna. The department store had just opened up at our local mall and they hired a bunch of pregnant girls that were due around Christmas or right after Christmas so they would not have to fire many people after the holidays.

James was still around and mom even let him stay at her house some nights. I slept on the couch because it was more comfortable and James (when he did sleep...cause the drugs kept him up most nights) would sleep in my room on the bottom bunk (I shared a room with Jessica) or he would stay up all night cleaning (he could clean) or playing video games with my brothers.

I was still going to school during this time and I was doing pretty good. James and I would get a room every few nights and stay at a motel not far from my mothers home just so we could be alone. We fought a lot during that time and I remember one night I rolled away from him so my back was to him (we were most likely fighting about his drug use) and he put his arm around me and said "baby, baby talk to, Mandy......." OOPS! Yep...he called me by a name other then my own. I was pissed. The room that we stayed in that night had two beds. I made him get out of my bed and sleep on the floor. The floor had no was a very cold hard icky floor. This was in October or November so it was cold out side and you know that floor was like laying on ice.

I only stayed in that room the whole night because I was very tired and upset. James tried to explain but I had nothing so say to him and wanted to hear nothing come out of his mouth. I made him sleep there with no covers hoping that he would freeze to death.

I woke up the next morning before he did. James was still sleeping on the floor uncovered when I got up. I left him there and walked back home. When I got home I acted like nothing happened and did not tell mom was nobody's business!

James called a few times and I told everyone that I was not there but mom made me talk to him so I got on the phone so mom would not ask questions and I remember keeping the call short but I do not remember what was said. I only wanted to get off the phone with him. I think I remember him saying that he would come over later that night to "talk".

When James did get to the house I opened the door and he just stood there and said something to make me look like an ass for not talking to him so here I am with my big belly jumping up in the air so I could give him a good slap across his face. He never saw it coming and I felt better when I saw the surprise on his face. I told him to get away from the house or I would call the cops on him. He had warrants out on him so he left after we fought verbally for a few more min.

to be continued.................

Monday, June 27, 2005

I need money....

I never stopped selling Avon like I had hoped to do. I like that little bit of extra money from selling and I love my discount. I have to go about selling and making my profit in a different way because it seems like I am always behind and I always owe more than I bring in.

I have a web site through Avon that I pay for every 2 weeks. If you are interested in buying from me on-line please check out my site here.In order to look at the products you have to register with me first....go to the order tab and follow the directions. I can only have orders that come from USA only. If you want to place an order select non rep delivery and the order will come right to you and I will still get the credit. You can help me get my dream car.

Image hosted by

I have always wanted one and I will get one I am just not sure when. I can daydream about it until that day. Sorry about all the Avon talk today but I have my order to submit tonight and it is on my mind.

I have had a pretty good day today and I have money coming my way tomorrow morning...about $100.00 and I really need it. That is my good news for the day. I will do my blog reading tonight to see what everyone is up to.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

my answers part 2

If you have not read part one please make sure you read that post also. It is right under this post.

Angie asked~What kind of shampoo do you use?
I guess the best way to answer this is by a picture. Yes I do use all of these and the sad part is that I threw away about 5 different ones last month that I do not use anymore. These are the ones I kept and still use. This is only my shampoo and conditioner not sstyling products...they would need another picture or two just for that.Image hosted by

Carmi asked~what do you do to get away from it all?

I like to be alone.....going for a walk, sitting in my car to listen to music, just as long as I can be alone.

Bekkah asked~What is one thing that you've always wanted to do/try in life, but never actually went ahead with? What's stopping you?

I have always wanted to go to Italy. Money is stopping me but I will go one of these days.

Martine asked~How the hell did you manage to stay sane after all you have been through?

I still talk to my family because if I do not then they get all crazy and cause me more problems. I try to keep my distance as much a possible. I always say that I am the sane one in my family.......I have some crap with me but look at my wonder I have issues! I have good people to help me get through the family drama.....Greg is amazing and my girlfriend Robin is always there for me also and that is a big help.

Heather Nicole asked~If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I am happy here is Maryland. I would like to live in a quiet place with lots of property.

The Bisch asked~What's your shoe size? :)

Size 9 1/2 in boots and 8-8 1/2 in heels, tennis shoes and sandals.

Mr. Eccentric asked~Do you have nice feet WITHOUT the heels? Would you mind posting a pic of your feet sometime?

My feet are nice.......I may post a picture of them in the future so stay tuned.

Twist of Kate asked~what are you doing up right now....where are you? I want to know what time it is because it's 3:52 here in Cali....are you up late (or early)...

I live in Maryland and I was up early so I could be at work by 8am.

Rockchild asked~1. Does your feet smell, or your boyfriends?
I work so I guess mine would smell more than his.

2. Who’s feet smells the worst?
I guess mine would smell more. I wear tennis shoes all day at work and I work in a warehouseenvironmentt.

3. If you had three wishes, but couldn’t ask for money, couldn’t ask for a house or car, move somewhere else, or stop someone’s feet from smelling, what would you ask for?
I want Greg to live a full life with me. I want to see Anna grow to be a vindependentdant woman. I would also like to see the day when I get ALL the child support money that is owed to is not about the money but about James being responsible.

4. Was you ever told a secret that you was suppose to keep secret, but you couldn’t keep a secret, so you told someone this secret so it was not secret anymore?
I am pretty good with secrets. I have one now....but I can't tell you what it is.

5. What was the secret?
I can't tell you! I forgot:)

6. Did you ever get hit by a car and lived to tell about it?
Never...but my youngest brother did....when he was walking home.

7. Which one of these Superhero’s would you like to be and why? Wonder Woman, Cat Woman, Spiderman, the Hulk, or Kama Sutra?
Cat Woman...WHY? It is sexy!

8. Did you ever tell a joke that was not funny which made your big brother give you a hard newgy to your head?

9. Are your teeth white, yellow, brown, or gone?
White...I just got them cleaned.

10. I love my grandma, but she has a problem, and I wont say it here, but what would you do if your grandma smelled?
Stay away from her on the phone.

Friday, June 24, 2005

my answers part 1

Here us part 1 in my answers back to you. I will finish them later today when I get home from work.....if you have anymore questions please ask don't be shy.....I won't bite unless you ake me to:)

Mikey asked~what was the funniest/most outrageous lie you ever told to get out of a date? or out of work?

I dated this guy who owned a bunch of hot dog stands around the city and he would come over to my uninvited all the time. I guess I just needed my space so I had my brothers friend stop by and of course the hot dog guy was there and he did not stick around to find out why he was there he just said "oh I guess I will leave." He never came around again. I guess it worked out for the best. He was a grandfather (he was 33) and I was 20 at the time. I could not get it out of my mind that I was dating a grandfather even though he was a young grandfather.

J&J's mom asked~Can you really sport those high heels for a significant amount of time?

Yes I can! If you have been reading me for awhile I am sure you remember that I have said that I use to strip a few years ago. Walking in heels is like walking is sneakers. I guess it is just one of those things that takes a little bit of practice and then it is like riding a never forget. Wearing heels is great for your butt and legs (it tightens everything up). I don't wear heels as much as I would like to but that is because of the job that I have now. Oh well, I still enjoy wearing them when ever I go out.

Charlie MC asked~have you ever blogged naked?

I have! Have you? The less amount of clothes I have on the better I feel. I hate to feel like my clothes are weighing me down:) does that make sense?

Marie asked~What is the craziest stunt you ever pulled and lived to tell about? :)

When I was 16 I was living with mom and we also had my ex-boyfriend at the time living with us because his mom and dad wanted nothing to do with him. He lived in the basement of our townhouse and went to school and worked in a movie theater next to where I worked at. He was my ex-boyfriend at the time he was living with us but we were still good friends.

My mom let him drive her van to work and then he would pick her up after she got off of work. Joey (that was his name) would go into work before me and I would have the keys (I had no license at the even a permit) and I would drive all over town until it was time for me to go to work. I remember I was driving Joey home one night and I was pulling over before we got home so he could be in the drivers seat and I hit a mailbox with the mirror on the car. We had to find touch up paint to fix it and mom never found out I was driving her van.

She wondered how I could drive so good....I had plenty of practice in her van:)

True Jersey Girl asked~Do you think there is any way that you will ever forgive James (and your sister too) for the things they have done to you? (I wouldn't blame you if you said no!)

I can forgive them for being together because forgive to me mean nothing more than ~ I agree to speak to you if I have to but I still do not like you. I can never forget about all the pain they have both caused me in the past and still continue to do. I tend to hold my anger in and not let it out like I should do. There is a lot of history there and Jessica knows all the things that have happened between me and James....all the fighting, cheating, drugs, lies, court battles, money issues.....and she still will choose James over me. I guess you could say that I could not forgive them...I think they are both pathetic. I choose to stay away and watch the relationship crumble. I put the blame on my family for things before I blame James because our whole relationship was built on a lie to begin with. I am over that hurt now my anger is more on how he is about his responsibility with Anna. Jessica is blood she should be a true sister but she is just trashy! James and Jessica deserve each other. I hope they stay as happy as they are now for a lifetime. That would be great revenge.

Xtessa asked~where were you in your life seven years ago?

Seven years ago I was living alone with Anna. James was in jail (big surprise there) and I was working as a stripper. I was making pretty good money at the time and I did not have much time for a relationship with anyone. I was to busy making money and taking care of Anna. My whole life at that time was work and Anna. I did not have a car so I took a bus everywhere I went. I was happy when James was locked up and I had a great group if friends that I worked with that knew more about me than even my family would know. I wish I had friendships like that now...I guess that was a different life.....a long time ago. It did get me to where I am now and it shaped me into the person I am today.

Twist of Kate asked~Well it says you live with your boyfriend of 5 years...when are ya gonna get married, if ever?

I am getting married on November 1st this year. We are going to have a very small wedding with no family around. When I first met Greg I said that we could get married when I am 95 because a palm reader said I would live to be 97 and I never want to get divorced so I though that was a good plan......Greg talked me out of that way of thinking.

Pure Mood asked~Where is the most public place you've had sex?

I guess I will have to say that it was in a large parking lot in the city. I was in this guys car and we did our thing. We kept seeing the cleaners and parking lot attendants walk by....they were watching us on the video camera.....oops! I guess that was the biggest audience I have ever had:) I have had sex in the movie theater and public bathrooms but I thought this story was pretty funny.

Mona asked~what is one nightmare you've had that you could never shake? And one dream you've had that has been the most heavenly?

I do not remember my dream to well but I did have a real strange dream about 2 weeks ago about some co-workers that I do not like and they had a special office at work and it was set up real for a queen and all. They treated everyone else in the office like slaves and they stuck them in a different office the size of a very small closet. (I know it was a very strange dream).

A good dream....I can not remember. I do talk in my sleep a lot....I fight with people in my dream quite often. I am not sure how my boyfriend deals with my sleep habits:)

Janie q asked~what are your plans for the 4th of july?

I have to work the first part of the day and after work I will take Anna to see fireworks but I am not sure where we will go to see them. I might go on the military base or into the city (I had a bad experience in the city on July 4th when I was a little girl and have not wanted to go back for the 4th since that time.) I will explain that story later ont his week when the 4th gets closer.

Doris asked~Do you now feel obliged to answer all these questions?

Yes I do! But I asked so I will do my best.

Star asked~What kind of profession or vocation do you think Anna will chose when she grows up?

I do not care what profession Anna chooses but I do want her to be independent and to be happy. I do not want her to depend on any one for anything (that includes mom...but I am always here for her.) I have not made the best decisions in life but I know how to take care of me and Anna if I need to. I want Anna to have that. I want Anna to to be happy with whatever she does and I will help her in every way that I can to make sure she can do that.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

I feel so stressed

I have a lot of crap going on with my mother and father right now. I will start my story off with the story about my dad.

My dad is going to Wild Wood New Jersey on vacation and asked if me and Anna wanted to come up for a few days because the place that they are staying in is really big and they will have plenty of room. I told my stepmom that I could not make it (not even for a few days) but if they wanted to take Anna for the whole week they could. The response I got was..."I will have to check with your dad because we will have the dogs (2 shelties) and we may not have enough room for Anna all week." I could not believe what she told me. How can they have room for 2 (me and Anna) for 2 or 3 days but not enough room for Anna all week. Am I the only one who see something wrong with the picture? It does not really matter at this point because I forgot that Anna has her last swim class that week.

I spoke to my mother today and she is trying to lay a guilt trip on me because she want to see Anna and she has not seen her in one whole week. She has also made smart comments about the fact that James and Jessica have seen her more than she has (they have not seen Anna). My mother took Anna out for ice cream last week when school let out for the summer. I do not like when things get like this. How dare my mother talk trash about James to me....I am the wrong one to complain to about this. My mother was in court with James in 2002 to help him fight me for custody of Anna. My mother sat on the witness stand and said that Anna would be better off with James than with me. My whole family...brothers, mother, father, step parents, James and his other babies mama got together against me. I was put through hell.

They made me take a drug test that I passes and James failed....and he still got visitation from the courts. My mother called social services on me and I had this lady chasing me down at work to ask me a bunch of questions about me and Anna and how I discipline her at home. I had this woman come to my house, talk to Anna's doctor, watch Anna at her daycare and basically be a pain in our ass. I have a lot of hatred in me because of my family...I have been hurt to many times to count. I did nothing to bring that whole thing on except stay away from all of them. I will go into the history later on in my blog but this is a look at one situation I had to go through because of them. My parents help (paid) for James lawyer when he took me to court to take Anna from me. James only did this because he thought I would have to pay him child support money if he had custody of Anna.

If you have any questions about this post of have any question in general please go to the post at the top of my blog and leave a question to be answered by this weekend.

I hope I did not confuse anyone more with this post.

ask me some questions

OK I am running out of things that I want to talk about because all it is right now is more family drama....and I just don't want to talk about that today so I am turning the tables on you. Ask me some questions and I will answer you all by this weekend. Ask me whatever on your mind....I will answer you all as soon as I can. I hope you are not shy and ask me some questions:) I know that there are a lot of lurkers on my site so please say hello and ask a question or two or maybe even three.

Monday, June 20, 2005

who does he think he is?

I got a message on my machine today from James. He said that I am ignorant because I did not have Anna call him yesterday for fathers day. He also reinformed me that Greg is not Anna's father because he thinks that I may have forgotten that piece of information. How could I forget about that? I can not believe that he would have the nerve to say that. For those readers out there that do not know.....James is Anna's father and he is married to my sister that is why all of the sudden he acts like he cares about Anna. James has been locked up for most of Anna's life he may get out for a month or two but goes right back in for something stupid.

I met Greg when Anna was 2 and he is all she knows as far as a dad figure goes. Anna knows who James is and she calls him James(he is nothing to her). In the last 6 years Greg has taken on Anna as one of his own children. He helps me take care of Anna in every way that a father should. Anna will go to Greg before she will go to anyone about anything. They have a true that I wish I had with my father but never did. James only comes around when it will benefit him. He normally just wants to show off what a good "daddy" he can be.

I have not had a chance to talk to James or my sister since that message and I am so angry that he would try to down play everything that Greg has done for me and Anna that I would spit on James if he was in front of me.

So after all these years and even now Greg is the only man that takes care of Anna. James will not pay his child support he is currently over $8,000.00 behind in his order and he could care less......I know it is not all about money. If James was a real father he would be around for Anna...he would have called on her last day of school to see how things went. He would call to make sure she is ok....he would act like a father....he has no clue!

I want the world to know that Greg is the best DAD that Anna could ever have.

P.S.~ James....YOU SUCK! It is your loss you F*$@ING LOSER!

Saturday, June 18, 2005

enjoy these links

If you are as bored as I am today then I bet you will enjoy these links I found yesterday.

Everyone loves pac man right? I remember playing against my brother for hours when we were younger. Here is a new twist to the game.

I am sorry but I just have to post this picture. My girlfriend sent it to me and I laughed so hard at this.......Image hosted by Photobucket.comFunny hu?

There is no point to this link but it did keep me occupied for a minute or two. Check it out.

I am going to take you back some you remember playing M.A.S.H.? I use to love playing that game.

I hope you enjoyed the links......

wish list

I guess I have nothing better to do with my time than to look around the internet for things I have no money and no room for but oh well.....I really want these items.

Image hosted by I really love this is from an upcoming Avon brochure.

Image hosted by This is also in an upcoming Avon brochure. I love my purses. The best thing about Avon is it is so cheap.

Image hosted by I have boots that look like this but a girl can never have to many shoes right?

Image hosted by I love, love, love these heels. I can get them in pink also. These are beautiful....My girlfriend bought them and they are really nice. I may not get these but I still love them.

Who want to buy these items for me?!?!?!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

a very busy week

I have been so busy this week. I am sorry I have not posted anything but I have been so tired and this was Anna's last week in school so life has just been crazy! Anna is on the phone now with everyone she can think of to let them know she is now in third grade. I have books for her to work on this summer to get her ready for next year. I am not happy with the school system Anna is in. The school looks like a really good school on paper but they don't teach the kids the way I think that they should be taught. Anna's teacher had not control over those kids. To let the truth be told Anna was going to get passed no matter what because it would look bad if they had to hold a kid back. Anna's teacher never made them complete work in class....if she did not finish it then they would just have her bring it home so I could make her do it. I am not sure what they did make her do. I was looking back a t all her old classwork papers she brought home today and I am really sick to look at it....why do I even bother to send her to school?

I don't know if anyone else out there has this problem but I guess I will have to be her teacher this summer to make sure she is ready for next year. We will be busy!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Monday Meme

Monday Meme 4 : 2005-06-13 : Feeling Hot Hot Hot

1. Do you like hot weather? Does it get hot where you live? What is the best way to spend a hot, summer day?

I love the hot weather! This time of the year is the best. I love to go for walks in the summer time and I also like watching the kids play.

2. Do you like spicy food? If so, what is your favorite dish? What is the spiciest food you've ever eaten?

My favorite snack is cheese dip with jalapeno peppers...I have to fight my daughter for them:) She could eat the whole thing if I would let her.

3. What do you find "hot" in a man/woman? What is the first thing you notice about someone who is hot? Do you ever think of yourself as hot?

Humor is the hottest thing about another person..male or female. I use to think I was hot but I am having a problem with that now....I am working on it:)

4. Are you hot-headed or quick to anger? How do you react when you are angry or frustrated? What do you do to cool down?

I get angry pretty quickly. I have learned how to control my anger in the last few years. In the past I would throw something to break was stupid but I would feel better about the problem after that. It did not matter what it was that I would throw as long as it was expensive so I could feel bad about it later. I have broken many things that were mine(I was so stupid).

I was the 45th person to take this week's Monday Meme!

trying to stay awake

I had to be at work this morning at 5am. I only got about 2 hours of sleep last night and I have to get up at 4am to be at work by 5 tomorrow morning again. I did get a 15 min. power nap so I do feel a little bit better.

Anna is outside enjoying the weather. Greg and I just watched the Michael Jackson verdict on T.V. and now I am updating you on my day. I was pretty boring. I am trying to find another job. I just found out today that one of the boys who loads cars for customers and collects carts makes almost as much as I do and he has only been there for 3 months. I have worked for my company for over 4 years and I have had many different positions I can move almost anywhere in the store and so a god job...I do not feel like I am getting what I am worth. I get my raise soon and if it is not a good one this year I will be looking for a new job.

Update~ I got a call from the main guy at child support (he has to answer to the governor) and her was calling about the e-mail I sent in April about the money I have already received but now I am fighting for another payment so I am making him look into that. He tried to tell me that child support is waiting to see if the check will clear BUT.......he paid it almost 2 weeks ago and he does not have a checking account and I know they pay for everything with cash or money order. This guy said he is going to look into and get back to me so I guess we will have to wait and see what happens. I was told that they should not hold my money for 99 days....I am not sure what is going on and I don't think they do either. Wish me luck on this I really need that money.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Pauls graduation Party

I must admit that the party was not as bad as I made it out to be. My girlfriend Robin went with me and we had a pretty good time. We took so many pictures. I made mom and dad take a picture together and they were not happy....I have to post that one(my parents have been split up for 13+ years. That is what my dad gets for having alcohol available to me(heehee).

After we left the party Robin and I headed to see an old friend that we had not seen in over 5 years. We got rid of both kids and has a good night. We were home by 9pm and I relaxed the rest of the night. I hope you are ready for all the pictures I am going to post.........

I took a nice picture of dad and my stepmom. My dad told on me because I made him take that picture with mom..... Posted by Hello

Paul, TJ (my stepbrother), and Jeremy. What a great looking group! Posted by Hello

This is mom and dad...don't they look so happy that I made them take this picture. I am such an evil daughter! Posted by Hello

my stepdad.....he is an ex-cop.....I hate cops! Posted by Hello

Aunt Donna and Uncle Jack (my mom's sister and her husband) Posted by Hello

this is my mommom Posted by Hello

Friday, June 10, 2005

r u ready cuz I'm not.......

Tomorrow is "family Fun Day" otherwise known as Paul's graduation party. I only plan on going for 2 hours tops. My mothers side of the family will be there so that is my main reason for going. I want to see my mommom because I know that she is not in the best of health and I am really worried about her. Mom called me at work today to let me know that mommom is not doing well and I should prepare myself before I see her. My stomach has been in knots all day. I just wish I could make her feel better. I will let you know how she is doing after the party tomorrow. I hope that my mom is over-exaggerate her condition. Keep my mommom in you thoughts for me....k? I have never had to deal with anything like this before.....nobody lose to me has ever passed away to been sick. I am very lucky and I am not sure how I would handle this.

I just hope tomorrow will be peaceful and that there is no fighting or family drama. I am having a few drinks tonight to prepare me to deal with tomorrow......I hope to have some good pictures to post for you. Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

are you bored?

I guess I am here are some links to help you pass some time. Do you remember when you were little and sitting down to play with your lite brite for hours? Let me take you back down memory lane with this.

If you love puzzles than this is for you.

If you have been in the same mood as me lately than I bet you would love to punch is your chance.

I hope you enjoy the links I have sent you to and I am on a mission to find some more for you. I have found a few more but I will save them for another post.

I also want to thank everyone who has left such nice comments for me over the last few days. I have been going through some personal stuff and I have been feeling pretty down on myself. I really do appreciate the nice are the greatest!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

things are looking up

I am in a better mood today. I have a few things in the works to make life fun. I met with Todd today to see if I am losing any weight and I am doing really good(even with all the cheating that I have done in the last week). I am very proud of myself for the progress I am making.

Things at work today were ok so that is good news. Anna is acting crazy tonight but that is nothing new. I am so in love with Greg. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is the only one that I could find that will put up with all my crap....and I am willing to put up with his crap.....see we are the perfect couple:)

I am going to spend the rest of the night laying on the couch and just relaxing. I deserve it. Have a nice night everyone!

Monday, June 06, 2005

a new week starts

I have been cleaning since I got home from work. The kitchen looks beautiful but don't ask about the rest of the house. The living room is getting there.

Anna has school this week and she has half days four days next week. It seems like a waste of time for them to even go next week if they get out early every day. I am ready for this school year to end. I am not happy with her teacher this year. I don't think she has control in her classroom. She lets the kids walk all over her.

I called child support to see when my check will be cut for the money they got from James when they locked him up for not paying and they hold the money for 99 days. I asked why they give him credit and why they have to hold the money and the response I got from "Candy" was that they hold the money until he goes to court and if he does not show up in court then they will take his $700.00 credit away. When I asked what would happen to my money she would not give me a straight answer and told me they needed to see if he would show up in court. Maybe one of you can explain this to me because maybe I am stupid. Why can't I get my money? James was locked up because he did not show up for court about the child support he has not paid. They get $700.00 towards the child support case so he can get out of jail and now the give him the credit for the payment and they hold it from me for 99 days. I guess they think I don't need that money. I am sure he will show up for court........I mean.......wait.....did I just say he got locked up for NOT showing up for court???? I thought that is what I just said.......Is it just me or does the court system SUCK!

I'm sorry I'm still in a bitchy mood from this weekend.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

My computer hates me today

I tried to post a video but no luck there and now I can not even take the bad post off my blog. I can't wait for Monday to get here so I can go back to work. I am so tired of being home and hearing all the fighting. All I want is some peace and quiet. Is that to much to ask for? I think I am going to go walk around the mall or go to the park today. I think I just need to get out for a little bit. I have to many things going on right now and I just don't want to stay at home to think about it. There is to much cleaning that needs to be done but why should I do that on my day off of work? My diet is not working well this month. I have had so many things going on in May that eating right was not really possible.

My boss at work is giving me a hard time about taking my breaks so I can eat when I need to. She is making it hard for me to complete. I fell like I don't have anywhere to go not at work or not a home...I do not belong anywhere. I have an "office job" but no desk. I am moved around constantly at work to different computer areas. I need a spot to stay in. I work in the credit department and have access to many credit card numbers and info and I really should not be moved around so much the chances that something might get lost is very high.

At home with Greg's son moving back in there is just no room. I have no where to put my clothes...the clothes that are in the closet are to close together and they will get wrinkled...I have clothes at the end of the under the bed....purses everywhere...I am just going to get fed up pretty soon and I will start throwing away everything I see.

I need to get off the computer clean(throw away), go to the grocery store because I have no chicken for my meals this week. I am on the verge of breaking down and crying I just need some time to think about everything.

I don't want to go to my brothers graduation party because I fell like a major outcast but I do not want to give them the satisfaction of not going. My sister Jessica is not invited to Pauls part(that is his twin sister). My dad made sure that the party is on a military base so she can not crash the party even if she wanted to. I kinda feel sorry for her but I understand my dad's point of view. There is just to much drama in my don't even know a quarter of it(that will come later I promise).

As things pop into my head about the things my family has done to wrong me I will make sure I write it down so I can post about it at a later date. If I tried to explain any of it now you would just ask a bunch of questions and be totally confused....hell I am confused and I lived it!

Saturday, June 04, 2005

family drama

I had a good time at my brothers graduation. I am very proud of him. Mom was acting all crazy after his graduation. Dad wanted to take everyone out to dinner but mom started to yell at my brother because she said she had to go home and get up early for work (she has a in-home daycare center).My dad had to get up at 3am and I had to get up at 5:30am. Mom had to roll out of bed and walk to the door to let the first kid in(not sure what time but I am sure it is not before 6am). I went to dinner with them and then had Paul drive my car home for me because I did not feel like driving.

I found out the next day that mom told Paul that she may not go to his graduation party because........(well there is not really a good reason for that that I can think of...can you?).

Today I find out that my mother is taking both of my brothers to an amusement park tomorrow. I am really upset that Me and Anna were not asked to go. I would have paid for our tickets. I am not over reacting about this either. They were trying to be sneaky about the whole situation and I do not like that. It is ok though because I am going to adopt a new family that will want me a family functions!

It is a known fact that my mother favors her boys. All you have to do is walk into her house and look at the pictures on her wall. Just so you have a very small background on my mother she loves to scrapbook and she takes millions NO billions of pictures. There is NOT ONE picture of me or my sister to be found in that house! Tell me she does not have her favorite children.

I am so sick of holding things in. I am sick of pretending like I have a normal family! I come from such a twisted family. This is my rant for the day. It may not mean much to you but It is significant to me. I just don't care anymore. I know if I would have been her son I would be loved more. I am loved enough I don't need that love or to be controlled. I know I am beautiful inside and out!

dirty laundry

Let me tell everyone who is visiting now to check back later tonight to see my new post. I am getting ready to leave the house now but I have some family drama/history I wasnt to put out there. I am NOT going out tonight as planed BUT....I will be drinking and posting some family stay tuned.

Paul's graduation

I am very proud of Paul. We are going to have a party for Paul next weekend and now with my other brother home I am sure I will have plenty of pictures to share...I may even throw one of myself in the mix(without my head cut off!).

I will be busy for another week maybe two weeks so hang in there ok. I am going to be so busy today. I am meeting up with my girlfriend later this afternoon and then we are getting rid of the kids and going out tonight. I need to get out and have fun this weekend because next weekend will be family overload for me.

Today just enjoy the pictures.

there is the proof....he is free from high school! Posted by Hello

Paul and TJ (TJ is my step brother). He is super tall! Posted by Hello

Friday, June 03, 2005

a little bit of justice

I just found out that James was locked up on Wednesday for not paying his child support. He had to pay out $700.00 towards his late payments to get out of jail. He is still over $7,000.00 behind but I can really use the $700.00 for summer clothes.

I have to get on the governors web site to send an e-mail so I can get my payment soon. If I don't send an e-mail and complain than they will hold the payment for 99 days before they send it out to me. The worst part is he gets that credit to his account as soon as he pays it but I have to wait 99 day to get my payment....that is no fair and I will make sure that the governor is aware of it. The last time I sent him an e-mail the check was cut and sent out to me in 3 days......I love the power of internet.

I will post pictures of the graduation later. I am so proud of my brother. My other brother who was in Iraq came home today and I was soooo very happy to see him. I will spend the weekend trying to catch up on my blog friends.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

some people can be so selfish

I am going to be running around like a nut tonight to get ready for my brothers graduation(from high school). At this point I am not even sure if it is worth going to. Mom and I are fighting or at least I am fighting! Mom bought Anna an outfit to wear tonight and I told her I would stop by to pick it up around 8pm. I was at her house at 8:30 and she was not there. After the day I had (Anna was sick) mom decides to call my house:

me: hello

mom: don't even start with me!!!

me: what?!?

mom: what did you want

me: (I wanted Anna's outfit)nothing nevermind.

I did tell her Anna was sick but WTF! That is no way to start a conversation.

Anyways, I called mom when I went to lunch today to let her know that I am going to drop Anna off to her around 4:45 so she can get dressed. She got mad at me and asked why I could not bring her sooner. First let me say that Anna does not get home from school until 3:30 and then I have to get myself ready. I also have to pick up my girlfriend from work and take her home(her car is in the shop). I figured that I could drop Anna off on the way to my girlfriends house. Mom said "you can't bring her sooner?" I said "No I really can't" and then she started to bitch about it.

After she said that I went through my whole deal about what I have to do before I meet them at my dad's at 5:30 and she said "all you had do was say that you could not do it" WHAT!!!!! Is it just me or is she acting CRAZY!?!?!?

So when I get off of work I will rush home, eat a snack, get dressed(in a rush), drop Anna off at my mothers (EARLY), and then stop and get some fast food(chicken) for dinner, pick up my girlfriend, her daughter and drop them off and then I should be on my way to my dad's in my car that his no AC.

I am so mad at my mother I could just scream!!!!!!!!!