Monday, October 31, 2005

James Part 15

When James came home from jail I was filled with promises that he had changed. He wanted to be the best father to Anna. I wanted this to be true and I really wanted to believe him. We were spending a lot of time together as a family. I was having some medical problems and I was not eating or drinking very much. I think it had to do with the birth control the doctors had me on.

We were shopping at a local mall when James had a seizure and was rushed to the hospital. I was right there with him and Anna's was with me also. I had called my stepmom (the crazy bitch who tried to run me over with her car) and I was making plans to move in with my dad. My stepmom came to the hospital to pick me and Anna up and take us back to my mom's house so we could get all of our things.

When I got to the house my mom, stepdad, stepmom, dad, and the friend I was staying with were all in the livingroom. At that moment I knew that this was stepmom had carried Anna into the house and gave her to my dad to hold. Mom started screaming at me and told me to get out of her house (I am not even sure what she was saying to me). I reached my arms out to get Anna and they held her away from me. I remember thinking that I was not going to get into a tug of war with my daughter and they were not giving her to me so I left the house.

I walked to the hospital screaming and crying the whole way. By the time I got there James was gone. I called his "stealing buddy" and talked to his wife and she had me take a cab to her house and I stayed there for the night.

I got with James the next day and we were back to living in motels. We found a ride to take us to get Anna from my dad's house and this time I called the cops to help me get her. The cops went to the house and came back out without Anna. I was asked who had custody of Anna. "I gave birth to her...I do" then the cop informed me that nobody had "legal custody" so if they did not want to give her back that I would have to go to court and my parents already had plans to go to court to take her from me. I thought because I gave birth to her and I was 18 (adult) that I had some rights...I guess I was wrong.

We went back to the motel and made plans to go to court that Monday. I knew this was going to be a major fight. We went to court and they lied...about everything. I still have those court papers and it pisses me off every time I see it. They made accusations that I was leaving Anna alone and she was left in diapers 3-4 days old. If you have a child then you know that it is not possible the leave a diaper on that long. If Anna slept through the night the diaper would fall off of her.

The first court date was at the end of April. Anna was 3 months old and my birthday and mothers day was in less than 2 weeks and my parents were granted custody for 200 days and I was not granted visitation. My first mothers day, my birthday was to be spent away from my baby. She was my life and they ripped her away from me. How can I ever forgive them for that? I can't.

to be continued.......

to read the other parts to this go here.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

wow...that's all I can say

These pictures are just WRONG!!! There is no other way to put it.....these are just wrong.
Image hosted by

and if that is not bad enough check out this one...

Image hosted by

this is the "NO NO" of them all........

Image hosted by

Saturday, October 29, 2005

this is strange

What do you think of this bathroom? Strange hu?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


Ok, Thing are crazy but I am still around. I am going to be so busy and this weekend I have to go shopping for clothes (wedding and work). Things will only get crazier as the end of the year gets closer.....working 7 days a week....Greg's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Anna's Birthday. This time of the year is always crazy and this year will put me through a major test.

I am hoping that I will get a new car this weekend. My car is acting up again. If you have been reading y blog for awhile then you know that my car hates me. It is time to say goodby to it and move on.

Tomorrow should be interesting because I am drinking tonight and I have to work at 5am counting money. Don't you just love it? I really do enjoy working early in the morning. I love taking care of the deposit because I am in a room all by myself and nobody can bother me. I can be alone with my thoughts. I have been thinking a lot latley....don't ask me about what because I am not sure. I just know that I have been in deep thought. I am not sure that it is helping me with anything but maybe I just need this time of silence when nobody is talking to me or bothering me.

I will admit one thing though, I love being able to say "fuck me" I have said it many time this week. It is a great feeling.

Even though I have been looking for a new job for a year now it is strange to leave a life that I have know for almost 5 years. I will not stay in touch with any of my co-workers (this is something I know for a fact). I am not hurt by that. It is just strang to be in the process of closing this chapter in my life.

***remember that I am drinking and my spelling may be VERY spell check will not work so please forgive me.

Monday, October 24, 2005

no title

I checked on my child support case...James has hit the $9,000 mark...he owes me over $9,000 can you believe that? He will be in debt to me until the day he dies. The last child support check I got from him was for $25. I know, I know "don't spend it all in one place" (I will try not to).

I still have no idea what I am going to wear on my wedding day. I have been going shopping but have found nothing! I have also realized that working in retail has been very bad for my figure. I have to be more careful because the clothes I need for my new job are not kind to a bad figure. This a good thing though because it will make me more aware of any weight changes.

I am trying to decide if I want to keep this blog going. Most of the visits that I get are from people looking up "crack" or "crack head" and finding a picture of my sister. Oh well, I guess I will decide soon. I might change my blog address. I don't know yet.

I have lots to do before my new job starts and I am not leaving my current job completely because I will still work part time until the girl who is pregnant comes back so that means that I will be working 7 days a week. YUCK!

Friday, October 21, 2005

today was fun

I gave my 2 weeks notice at work and word gets around quick that I am leaving but who cares. I will only have to work with the bitch for 4 days and the rest of the time will be spent with her boss who is a lot better to work with.

I am not really going to be gone in 2 weeks because I told them that I will stay for awhile as part time so I can help out while the one girl I work with is on her maternity leave. I know that it is hard to find someone who can pick up that job and do well with it so I am willing to help them out. I also know that it is not good to burn bridges so I am going to make sure I leave on a good never know what may happen in the future.

My "evil" boss lady was on vacation this week so she will not know I put my notice in until Monday and that will be a good post I just know it.

I am not letting anything bother me today. I have my wedding right around the corner and then my new job starts. I will be working 7 days a week but with Christmas right around the corner it can only be a good thing.

The management took my leaving well and I am glad that I am leaving on a good note.

I have to go shopping tomorrow (all day shopping trip) for new work clothes and my wedding outfit. This should be fun. I am also going to meet with Todd on Tuesday and with all the stressing that I have been doing about the wedding and this new job I know that weight loss was the last thing on my body's agenda. The good thing about this new job is that there is also a gym on cool is that?!?!

I know that I have been neglecting everyone on my regular visit list but I promise to stop by to see EVERYONE this weekend.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

happy days

I GOT THE JOB!!!!! I am sooo very happy. I get to give my 2 weeks notice and this is going to be so much fun.

I have to go do my happy dance now!!!!!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I need a break

I am going crazy....I have been so busy and I have so much going on right now. I have not had the time to really keep everyone updated on what's going on with me. I am going shopping this week for something to wear on my wedding day. I have lots to do around the house and this week at work is a little crazy and it is only Tuesday. I have to work Sunday and I have not had to work on a weekend since the beginning of the year(not happy about this). Oh well, I need a paycheck so I have to do what I have to do.

I hope everyone is doing ok. I hope to have some time tonight to come visit all my friends to see what's new in your life.

Thanks for stopping by to visit even though I have not been a very good blogger.

Friday, October 14, 2005

I need your help

"I QUIT!!" No, not my "real" job....I am not going to sell Avon anymore. I am done with it. I will help the lady who got me started and she will give me 20% of what ever I can sell for her and thats good enough for me.

I will be pretty busy tomorrow but Sunday should be pretty calm. Greg and I bought our wedding bands last night but I have a very important engagement ring is half a size to small for my finger but the band is perfect so...where does the band go? Which ring goes on first? Is it ok to put the band on second...or should the band go on first so it is "closer to my heart?" I have heard mixed things about this...HELP!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

can u see it?

Image hosted by

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


Yes, I am still alive..I am such a bad blogger. I have so many things going on and I can not seem to sit down and think long enough to write a post. I will try to post another James post this week.

I am getting ready to have dinner and I think I will have a drink before I go to bed tonight. I have to get up early tomorrow to open the store...I have to be there at 5am. I hate that! The only good thing is that I will be home by 2.

I hope everyone is doing ok. I will be back later.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

true or false

Everything in BOLD is true

I am bisexual or homosexual.
I've consumed alcohol.
I've run away from home.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I listen to political music.
I have collected comic books.
I shut others out when I'm depressed.
I watch the news.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3 player.
I curse regularly.
I paid for that cell phone ring.
I am a sports fanatic.
I have "x"s in my screen name.
I love Spam.
I bake well.
I would wear pajamas to school.
I have a job.
I love Martha Stewart.
I am guilty oF tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I am sometimes self conscious.
I like to laugh.
I smoke a pack a day.
I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
I eat fast food weekly.
I have many scars.
I've been out of this country.
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish.
I've seen a therapist.
I love chocolate.
I sometimes bite my nails.
I play video games
I watch cartoons.
Gotten lost in my city.
Saw a shooting star
I had a serious surgery
Gone out in public in your pajamas
I have Kissed a Stranger
Hugged a stranger
Been in a fist fight
Been arrested
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
Made out in an elevator
Swore at your parents
Kicked a guy where it hurts.
Been to a casino
Been skydiving
Broken a bone
Skipped school
Played spin the bottle
Gotten stitches
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
Bitten somebody
Been to Niagara Falls
Gotten the chicken pox
Crashed into a friend's car
Been to Japan
Ridden in a taxi
Been fired
Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
Stole something from your job
Gone on a blind date
Lied to a friend
Had a crush on a teacher
Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans
Been married
Gotten divorced
Saw someone die
Been to Africa
Driven over 400 miles in one day
Been to Canada
Been to Mexico
Been on a plane
Thrown up in a bar
Eaten Sushi
Been snowboarding
Been Skiing
Been to a motor cross show
Lost a child
Gone to college
Graduated college
Done hard drugs
Had someone cheat on you
Miss someone right now
Slept with a co-worker
Purposely set a part of myself on fire
Purposely hurt myself
Been in an abusive relationship
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
Made a snow angel
Had a tea party
Fly or own a kite
Built a sand castle
Gone puddle jumping
Played dress up
Jumped into a pile of leaves
Gone sledding
Cheated while playing a game
Been lonely
Fallen asleep at work/school
Watched the sun set
Felt an earthquake
Touched a snake
Slept beneath the stars
Been tickled
Been misunderstood
Won a contest
Ran a red light
Been suspended from school
Been in a car accident
Had braces
Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
Had deja vu
kissed someone in the pouring rain
Hated the way you look
Pole danced
Questioned your heart
Been obsessed with post-it notes
Squished barefoot through the mud
Been lost
Been to the opposite side of the country
Swam in the ocean
Felt like dying
Cried yourself to sleep
Played cops and robbers
Recently colored with crayons
Sang karaoke
Paid for a meal with only coins
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
Made prank phone calls
Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
Caught a snowflake on your tongue
Danced in the rain
Written a letter to Santa Claus
Blown bubbles
Made a bonfire on the beach
Crashed a party
Gone rollerskating
Had a wish come true
Worn pearls
Jumped off a bridge
Screamed penis in public
Screamed vagina in public
Ate dog/cat food
Told a complete stranger you loved them
Kissed a mirror
Sang in the shower
Had a dream that you married someone
Glued your hand to something
Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
Kissed a fish
Worn the opposite sexes clothes
Sat on a roof top
Screamed at the top of your lungs
Done a one-handed cartwheel
Talked on the phone for more then 6 hours
Stayed up all night
Didn't take a shower for a week.
Climbed a tree
Had a tree house
Are scared to watch scary movies by yourself
Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
Played chicken
Pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
Been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger
Been easily amused
Caught a fish then ate it
Caught a butterfly
Laughed so hard you cried
Cried so hard you laughed
Had someone moon/flash you
Cheated on a test
Had a Britney Spears CD
Forgotten someone's name
French braided someone's hair

Saturday, October 08, 2005

hello...yes, I'm still alive

Who loves my boots? I do! Maybe I should wear these boots, blue jeans and a nice top to my wedding.....I am not sure what to wear but at this point I just want to be comfortable! I know he wants to wear jeans so why can't I?

For those of you who are wondering...I still don't know about the job yet. It is driving me crazy!

Monday, October 03, 2005

I hate to wait

This is driving me crazy! I have accepted a new job. I am now waiting for the official notice that they looked at my past and everything is ok. This new job pays a lot more then what I get now plus I can get overtime. Overtime is something that I can not get now. As a matter of fact they make us work 39 hours so we do not go over.

I should get the final ok no later than next week so I will be going crazy until then. Keep your fingers crossed everyone and pray for me...I may need all the prayers I can get.

I might not post to much because the only thing that I can really think about is this job offer.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

breast cancer awareness

I have been on the computer and just wanted to share some of the products that I have found that will benefit breast cancer research. When I was out shopping yesterday I bought this pin from Payless. It was only $2.00 and it is cute. I will wear it at work with my other breast cancer pins.
Image hosted by
Also, If you have ever wanted to by something from saks but thought it was way out of your price range then it is time to spoil yourself. The shirt is only $35 and $33 goes to breast cancer research.
Image hosted by
If you are interested in buying this shirt you can go here.

There are many more that can be found just do a google search. Also please make the men in your lives aware that this is not just something that women need to be aware of, men are also affected by this.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

I give up!!!

I was tagged 3X

I know that not all the answers are done...I have tried twice and blogger has lost it twice...I give up...hope ya'll love what it done because I am getting of off blogger before I break it! I am sorry even when I tried to link sites it just won't work. I am going to go scream now!!!!!!!!!!

I was tagged by twinks on August 22 (a very long time ago)

Seven things you plan to do before you die
1. Get married
2. Watch my daughter graduate
3. Own a Jeep Wrangler
4. Get back into a size 3 (almost there......I am size 5 now)
5. Leave my crappy job
6. Go on a cruise
7. Love my life

Seven things you can do
1. Walk in high heels
2. I can do a backbend
3. I can put air in my tires (don't laugh at me)
4. I can dance around a pole real good ;-)
5. I can drive (a lot of people can't)
6. I can sleep through the night and an earthquake
7. I can hold a grudge

Seven things you can't do
1. I can't cook
2. I can't sing
3. I can't hold back my true feelings
4. I can't swim
5. I can't drive a stick shift
6. I can't type 60 wpm
7. I can't drink and drive

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex
1. humor
2. butt
3. how they can dance
4. how they dress
5. eyes
6. smile
7. hands

Seven things you say most
1. fuck this shit
2. shutup
3. I quit
4. "this is Dawn, can I help you?"
5. can you believe that?
6. "and they wonder why I drink like I do"
7. he/she should be fired!

Seven celebrity crushes
1. James Gandolfini
2. Daniel Sunjata
3. Michael Chiklis
4. Mel Gibson
5. Kevin Costner
6. Vin Diesel
7. Ray Liotta

Seven people you want to take this quiz......if you want to take this quiz please let me know when it is done so I can stop by to see.

I was tagged by Martine a long time ago on September 19th......

10 years ago.........I was working at a toy store and we were getting ready for the Christmas season. I was also trying to find the right time to break up with my boyfriend. I was 17 and he was to serious about me but thought I was to innocent to really get intimate with so things just got boring and old to soon. I did not feel like I could be me around him.

5 years ago...........Greg and I had been together for almost a full year. That first year was a difficult one for the both of us. I had a lot of issues I had to work out before I could live a "normal" life. Things were getting better for day at a time.

1 Year Ago..............Pretty much the same as now. I was looking for a new job. I was also getting ready to take a GED test. I passed the first time...thank you!

Yesterday...........I had a rough day at work. This week has been a little crazy. I went to the store to buy a bottle of 100 proof Absolute. It was a quiet night. I needed it after this week.

Today..........I went to my clubbin' cardio class. After class I came home to change and went out shopping with my girlfriend. I bought a new breast cancer pin from Payless shoe store. Now I am on the computer trying to finish this post so I can relax for the rest of the night.

Tomorrow..............I am going to do NOTHING! I have to clean the house but after that I am going to do NOTHING....oh did I mention NOTHING?

5 songs I know the words to

5 snacks

5 things I would do with $100 million
1. Help others who need it
2. Build my dream home
3. Open an Avon store
4. build homes for all the kids
5. live on a farm

5 places I would run away to
1. Texas
2. Italy
3. England
4. New York
5. my room

5 things I would never wear
1. I am pretty open when it comes to clothes so I do not think I can answer this
2. ??????
3. ??????
4. ??????
5. ??????

5 favorite tv shows (currently)
1. Rescue Me
2. Sopranos
3. Family Plots
4. Deadwood
5. The Shield

5 joys
1. My family
2. My life
3. Walking on a spring day
4. My friends
5. relaxing

5 bad habits

5 things I like doing:

5 Movies I like:
1. Casino
2. A bronx Tale
3. Friday
4. Oh Brother Where Art Thou
5. Meet the Parents

5 famous people I would like to meet:
1. Betty Boop
2. Britney Spears (to find out WHY?)
3. John Goodman
4. George Bush
5. Snoop Dogg

5 favorite toys
1. Car
2. CD player
3. computer
4. playstation
5. books

I tagg : Who ever want to do this can. Let me know if you do it so I can take a look.

I was tagged by just a girl on September 25th

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.

"you are absolutely 76% Slutty."

I took a quiz and that was the result. I am not going to tag anyone...if you want to do it that is great...let me know so I can come look.

And for the last one I saw this on Jersey Girls blog and I had to add this to my "to do list" so here I go.....the bold ones are the ones I loved in high school....1997

1. Candle In The Wind 1997, Elton John
2. Foolish Games / You Were Meant For Me, Jewel
3. I'll Be Missing You, Puff Daddy and Faith Evans

4. Un-Break My Heart, Toni Braxton
5. Can't Nobody Hold Me Down, Puff Daddy
6. I Believe I Can Fly, R. Kelly
7. Don't Let Go (Love), En Vogue
8. Return Of The Mack, Mark Morrison
9. How Do I Live, LeAnn Rimes
10. Wannabe, Spice Girls
11. Quit Playing Games (With My Heart), Backstreet Boys
12. MMMBop, Hanson
13. For You I Will, Monica
14. You Make Me Wanna..., Usher
15. Bitch, Meredith Brooks
16. Nobody Keith Sweat
17. Semi-Charmed Life, Third Eye Blind
18. Barely Breathing, Duncan Sheik
19. Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Az Yet Featuring Peter Cetera
20. Mo Money Mo Problems, Notorious B.I.G.
21. The Freshmen, Verve Pipe
22. I Want You, Savage Garden
23. No Diggity, BLACKstreet Featuring Dr. Dre
24. I Belong To You (Every Time I See Your Face), Rome
25. Hypnotize, Notorious B.I.G.
26. Every Time I Close My Eyes, Babyface
27. In My Bed, Dru Hill
28. Say You'll Be There, Spice Girls
29. Do You Know (What It Takes), Robyn
30. 4 Seasons Of Loneliness, Boyz II Men
31. G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T., Changing Faces
32. Honey, Mariah Carey
33. I Believe In You And Me, Whitney Houston
34. Da' Dip, Freaknasty
35. 2 Become 1, Spice Girls
36. All For You, Sister Hazel
37. Cupid, 112
38. Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?, Paula Cole
39. Sunny Came Home, Shawn Colvin
40. It's Your Love, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
41. Ooh Aah... Just A Little Bit, Gina G
42. Mouth, Merril Bainbridge
43. All Cried Out, Allure Featuring 112
44. I'm Still In Love With You, New Edition
45. Invisible Man, 98 Degrees
46. Not Tonight, Lil' Kim
47. Look Into My Eyes, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
48. Get It Together, 702
49. All By Myself, Celine Dion
50. It's All Coming Back To Me Now, Celine Dion
51. My Love Is The Shhh!, Somethin' For The People
52. Where Do You Go, No Mercy
53. I Finally Found Someon, Barbra Streisand and Bryan Adams
54. I'll Be, Foxy Brown Featuring Jay-Z
55. If It Makes You Happy , Sheryl Crow
56. Never Make A Promise, Dru Hill
57. When You Love A Woman, Journey
58. Up Jumps Da Boogie, Magoo And Timbaland
59. I Don't Want To / I Love Me Some Him, Toni Braxton
60. Everyday Is A Winding Road, Sheryl Crow
61. Cold Rock A Party, Mc Lyte
62. Pony, Ginuwine
63. Building A Mystery, Sarah McLachlan
64. I Love You Always Forever, Donna Lewis
65. Your Woman, White Town
66. C U When U Get There, Coolio
67. Change The World, Eric Clapton
68. My Baby Daddy, B-Rock and The Bizz
69. Tubthumping, Chumbawamba
70. Gotham City, R. Kelly
71. Last Night, Az Yet
72. ESPN Presents The Jock Jam, Various Artists
73. Big Daddy, Heavy D 74. What About Us, Total
75. Smile, Scarface
76. What's On Tonight, Montell Jordan
77. Secret Garden, Bruce Springsteen
78. The One I Gave My Heart, w Aaliyah
79. Fly Like An Eagle, Seal
80. No Time, Lil' Kim
81. Naked Eye, Luscious Jackson
82. Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix), Los Del Rio
83. On and On, Erykah Badu
84. Don't Wanna Be A Player, Joe
85. I Shot The Sheriff, Warren G
86. You Should Be Mine (Don't Waste Your Time), Brian McKnight Featuring Mase
87. Don't Cry For Me Argentina, Madonna
88. Someone, SWV
89. Go The Distance, Michael Bolton
90. One More Time, Real McCoy
91. Butta Love, Next
92. Coco Jamboo, Mr. President
93. Twisted, Keith Sweat
94. Barbie Girl, Aqua
95. When You're Gone / Free To Decide, Cranberries
96. Let Me Clear My Throat, DJ Kool
97. I Like It, Blackout Allstars
98. You're Makin' Me High / Let It Flow, Toni Braxton
99. You Must Love Me, Madonna
100. Let It Go, Ray J