it was worth the pain

I gave blood for the first time on Monday. We had the red cross parked in front of work so I decided to see if they would take my blood because the last time they said that my iron was to low and would not take from me...the tome before that I could not give blood because of my tattoo.

We had one customer walk onto the bus to give blood and they could not take it from him because there was a problem with them getting enough blood from him. His response was "well, I really only wanted to get tested for the diseases so can you still let me know." After that was said he walked off the bus. (nothing comes as a surprise around here)

I laid down on the bus and gave them my right arm to take blood from.....it hurt so bad. I was thinking that there is NO way I could give blood again! This hurts to bad....I am to much of a baby. It felt like they were twisting the needle around in my arm. The guy who was "stabbing" me called another "stabber" over so she could also twist the needle around in my arm. After they had fun trying to kill me they asked if they could try the other arm. Guess what I said....YES! I know I must be crazy but I thought that they should try the other arm.

This is a picture of arm today....2 days later


They did get blood from my other arm and I got 2 t-shirts for being so brave! It was cool and I was not real upset that the first one was a bad one. It happens right?

BTW....for those of you who are keeping track....I did get a child support check from James today. He needs to pay $91 per week and I got a check in the mail today!!!!! He is $8,513.23 behind after I received this check for $29.00! I better not spend that all in one place. That will not even pay the price of her shoes or not even one outfit for school. For those of you who have no idea what a dead beat dad looks like, here's a picture........

how fat is fat....

This post is dedicated to an inconsiderate low life who has to hide under the name "anonymous"....

I do not dance because I have grown past that part of my life...not because, as you said it...that I am fat. In fact I was a size ZERO when I stopped dancing and I am currently in a size 5 so that is not big!

You are just a scared punk hiding under the common name of "anonymous". Sorry you are such a loser and have to go around saying such mean things to me. Grow up and get a life.

P.S.~ I would not give you the time of day...even if you paid me.....you are a pathetic loser!

update

Anna is being a good girl now and she is sleeping and ready for tomorrow. Stop reading me and go watch the MTV VMA's.

still fighting

I am still trying to fight my cold and I am so tired. Anna starts school tomorrow and she is driving me crazy! She is whining about everything! First she is hungry then she wants to sleep then she just wants to cry just to drive me nuts. All I want is a nice quiet afternoon before I have to go back to work and deal with all of them. Is that to much to ask for?

Now Anna is whining that she wants to go to school....I screamed at her after the 500th time that she can leave...go to school...I don't care! Then she cries that she can't go until tomorrow. This is the way a child going into 3rd grade acts. I need a break.

I think I will go hide in my bedroom with the music turned up LOUD so I can't hear her mouth.

That would be nice but lets be real.....that won't happen. She is making me wish I was at work today.

listen to me!!!!

I am listing to music from MTV's site...you can make your own playlist. I love it! My weekend is almost over and Anna will be starting school on Monday. I am ready for this school year to begin. I have high hopes for Anna this year and they get "real" report cards this year. I am not sure how things are in other schools but here they only send home a report that says student is student demonstrating, consistently demonstrating, or another one that means your kid has no clue what is going on. This year she gets real grades and that is cool because I understand real grades.

It is so hot in my house or maybe it has to do with the 2 shots of 100 proof absolute that I had this evening. I just felt like having a few shots. I never drink mixed drinks it is always shots. I only drink mixed drinks if I am to drunk to have another shot. I do not drink that much though...sometimes I just feel like I want to have that numb feeling. I usually stay in the house when I drink. It's the weekend so it's all good.

I think I will play with my camera tomorrow.......I will have some pictures to post this week...they may be stupid but stay with me ok?

Anyways, I know that this week will go by pretty fast because I work 2 days and then I have a day off..then 2 more days off and then the weekend off. Pretty cool hu? I don't like the cut in pay but what can I do? Work is stressing me but I will get past it. I have never had them do this to me is the almost 5 years that I have been with them so this is hard for me to take. I know you are tired of me complaining about work but get over it...it bothers me ok!

I have been thinking about Christmas this year and I know what I want to get Anna. I think I will get her a season pass to six flags for her and I will buy her a computer of her own. It will be better than buying her things that she does not want and will throw away.

I think I have said enough worthless crap for the night....

best mom award goes to......

I think the picture says it all...I really do not think that I have to walk you through the pictures so just enjoy them.

And for a closer look of the sign....................

who wants to hire me?

I am ready to quit! I hate my job. I still do not have my raise and to make matters worse they cut another day of mine. They do this to me now and then expect me to be there for them when they need me to take over for the pregnant girl. I am looking for a new job and as soon as one comes my way I am gone.

I will be going to the club tomorrow to see about the bartend position and I hope that goes my way. I hope to get drunk tomorrow night.....Calgon take me away!

I am still sick and I am very bitchy today. I think I will have chips and cheese dip for dinner and then go to sleep. It sounds like a good plan to me.

i'm so lazy

I have not been good this month at all. I am eating all the wrong things...drinking tooo much soda and have not been working out. I meet with Todd in a little over a week and I know it will not be good. Do I care? Not tonight...I am going to have take out from China King and then I will help Greg eat some of his ice cream. I had good intentions today but I have been feeling sick and I came home from work early and slept.

We were going to make chicken and rice soup but decided that we are both to sick to cook so Chinese food it is.

In better news....Anna goes back to school Monday (thank god). I am doing better with the whole Avon thing...don't ask about profit this week because I could not tell ya....money is messy this week.

It is really staring to become real....I will be married in almost 2 months....can you believe it? I am so happy. He is so right for me! I need to go shopping for something to wear when we get married...we are just going to the court house but I still have to look beautiful. He told me I could wear sweat pants an he would still think I am beautiful. He's so sweet!

Gotta run...dinners ready!

should I do it?

I am thinking about going back to working at the strip club again....this time as a bartender. I am going to pay a visit to my old boss to see if they need a part time bartender. I would like to work the day shift. I know that I can hustle and make some good money. Christmas is right around the corner and it is only getting closer. I semi talked it over with Greg. That means that I said I was thinking about it and he did not say "no way" so my next step is to see if they need a bartender and then we will talk about it again.

This is what is on my mind tonight. I will keep you updated on the newest news....hope everything turns out ok for me.

today was good

I had a meeting today that my co-worker did not want me to attend. It was funny because we were at this meeting with about 6 other stores and she is the only one that has to have a helper...not just one helper but 2. All of the other stores only need 1 person to do her job...she does such a bad job that it takes 3. The worst part about it is that management will not do anything about it.

I am still waiting on my yearly raise that is 2 months past due. I am tired of asking for it!

We went out to dinner tonight and it was nice a quiet. I am going to spend the rest of the night going through all my clothes and Anna's to see what is good and what can go.

Tomorrow is the middle of the week...almost the weekend...whoo hoo

work, work, work

I am working on my typing skills. I need to type faster so I can get a better job. I have been working on it but I know that I can do better than what I have been doing. The computers at work are not normal so it is hard to stay in practice everyday.

I have had it with my current job....I need something else. I have been begging for my raise that is 2 months past due and when I do get it I won't get the money for the 2+ months that I have been waiting. There is a lot going on there that I am not happy with and I really feel that it is time to move on. I have not received my test score yet for that job I want but it will be here is due time.

I have also had the thought of moving to another state...we have been looking so it may happen....that would be nice. I would not have to work with those pathetic people I work with now. I never thought I would leave Maryland but it could turn out to be good if we did that. It is just a thought nothing concrete....but it is nice to say "what if......."

I was going to move to Texas right when I met Greg because I had nothing here to stay for but things changed. I chose Texas because I was born there and at the time it seemed like a good place to go and far away from "family".

I am so tired of being angry.....I think I will go take a nice hot bubble bath and relax. See ya later!

I was tagged

I was tagged by Independentgrl

1. What is the ratio of sexy panties to granny panties currently in your possession? I must say that it is 1 granny to every 10 sexy.....I have lots of undies ;-)

2. Pretend you won one of those "make your dream come true" deals that Oprah is always giving away... what would you ask for? A Jeep Wrangler. I also need a huge walk in closet with lots of money to buy more shoes and clothes with.......I also want my house paid for. Is that asking to much?

3. Describe your high school days in one word. pregnant (that's what I remember most)

4. If you could shag any celebrity in the world, who would be your top three picks? James Gandolfini (it must be the power thing), Michael Chiklis (I love the bald head), Daniel Sunjata (from the FX show Rescue Me)

5. If you had all the money in the world... more than you could ever spend in four lifetimes... would you eat some?? NEVER!!!!!!!!!

6. Tag Three People......I hate this part......Marie, Twinklestar, and Just Pure Mood.

this is me...like it or not!

I can not believe that I have to post this. Someone just found out that I use to work as a stripper so now she is acting strange and she feels that I have let her down in some way. I will not bother to say who it is but I want to put some things out in the open here.

First, this is my blog...this is me. If you do not like what you read then don't read it! I am not here to be what you want me to be or think that I should be. I will not post things just to make you happy! I will not change around what has happened to me or who I am just to suit you.

Here is a brief run down of who I am. I am 27 years old and I have a beautiful 8 year old daughter. I live with my boyfriend of almost 6 years and there is a 15 year age difference between me and him. I use to work as a stripper a few years ago. I hate my current job and I do not speak to my family. I have a lot of drama past and present and if you hate the Jerry Springer show than you will hate me.

If any of these things offend you then please move on to the next blog because my past will not change and I will not live my life to make people that I have NEVER met before happy! This is me, love me or leave me alone!

James Part 13

After I gave birth to Anna I was left alone in the room. Mom went back home and I called James to let him know that we had a baby girl. He kept calling her "him" but that's James for you! They put me on some strong drugs to help make my blood pressure go down and they took Anna out of the room so I could get some sleep.

I do remember James coming to the hospital and being a bad boy and bringing me ice and water without the nurses knowing(I loved him for that). I woke up from a nap and I thought I could hear a baby crying. I remember thinking...WOW, it sounds so real! The nurse walked in a told me that James thought it would be a good idea to have them bring Anna in the room with me. Do you remember that I just said I was drugged up? It does not surprise me though...that's typical for him.

I stayed in the hospital for 4 days and I had a few visitors. My "family" and James (at different times of course). I also had his "stealing buddy", and my girlfriend from high school came to visit with her dad. My girlfriend is the only person that has NEVER turned her back on me. We have always been there for each other and she truly is a BEST friend. When everyone else turned on me she was there to back me up or lift me from the ground......she is Anna's Godmother.

I had James leave his pager with me because I felt that he had no reason to have his pager...he knew where I was. When I had his pager his little girlfriend kept paging him with "I love you". When he walked back in the room I threw the pager at his head. He of course had an explanation for it. He told me that I was acting crazy and that he broke it off with her after I found out about her. He also said that if he was still with her that she would have know that I had the pager and she would not be calling him. I left it alone after that and said nothing else about it.

James was in the room with me and Anna on my last day in the hospital and I was feeding her and he was just looking out the window. The phone rang so I asked him to answer it for me because I was feeding Anna. James answered the phone when my stepmom called (the crazy bitch that tried to run us over). She told James to let me know she called and the next call I got was from my mom. Mom told me that Barb called her and told her that it sounded like James and I were having sex in the room. I hurt so bad that the last thing on my mind was having sex!
Can you believe how psycho they all are?

to be continued.......

You can read old James posts here.

hee hee

do you dib it?

Have you tried Dibs? They are bite size and very good. My boyfriend is addicted to them. I was on a hunt for these today. They have 5 different ones...there is the vanilla with Nestle Crunch coating, mint chocolate, vanilla with Nestle Drumstick coating, vanilla with chocolate coating, and chocolate with chocolate coating. Greg only like the vanilla with the smooth chocolate coating because the Nestle is to rough on the roof of his mouth. He has this worked out to a science. I am not that difficult. I will take anything with chocolate!

I was such a good girlfriend and went to 3 different stores to find the one he likes. This was not east because I can never that one. It seems to always be out when I get to the store. On my last stop I found HIS Dibs. They of course were on the top shelf pushed all the way back. I had to climb into the freezer to reach them but I did it! Am I the best girlfriend to ever live or what?!?!?

can I do this?

I am going to cook tonight. Nothing special...just trying to change what I am eating a little bit. You can ask my boyfriend...I do not cook! I have only cooked for him twice in the almost 6 years that we have lived together. I hope that it turns out ok. I have a book that my personal trainer gave me with some ideas to change the plain stuff that I have been eating into something really good. I am new to the whole cooking thing so if you have any tips please pass them along to me. I will let you know how it goes:) I am going to do the simple recipe's first.

I took that test today for a new job. I will get my results it 2 weeks. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

first day back

I am so glad that I am taking the day off of work tomorrow. I know I just got back but they are all crazy! I woke up late this morning and I had to call work to let them know that I would be a little late. I was worried that this little mistake would be one more reason for them to lay me off but....I was informed that the girl that always gets pregnant is pregnant again...wow, big surprise there! Anyways, guess who will be getting up in the middle of the night to be at work by 5am starting in November? ME, who else? I guess I should be happy that I will not have to worry about the lay offs now or after Christmas. I am still waiting for my raise that was due to me in June. Good luck to me on that, everytime I think I bring it up to my boss he gets angry and tells me that he will get to it. Yeah, when?

I like working early and getting out of there by 2pm I am just not use to it. I will have to work weekends now and it will mess up my eating schedule and my sleeping schedule. I guess there will not be no more staying up until 11.

This has been a pretty interesting day. We had a "bake off" at work the Friday before my vacation started and the winner would get a $50 gift card for the restaurant the winner chooses. The manager of the store NEVER got it for him and when the manager was questioned he got angry with everyone. Did I mention that this manager is no longer at our location....he is opening up a new store. This is the reason I do not play into their games. How messed up is that?

The drama never ends in that place.

nothing....

I have no post for you today! Please enjoy the day.....enjoy life....take time to enjoy the things you do not take time to enjoy everyday. I have had a wonderful week and this weekend has been perfect! I am ready to face the upcoming work week.

I am going to go enjoy the last day of my vacation....I will see you all tomorrow:)

gas prices

I think the picture says it all! The prices are killing me. Who wants to tell my daughter that she can not have new school clothes because mom needs gas to get to and from work everyday???

school shopping

The last "official day" of my vacation will be spent school shopping. I am waiting for everyone to get ready so we can be on our way out the door by 10am. I really wanted to get all the shopping done at the start of the week. Oh well, I am not coming home today until all the shopping is done.

I may go with my girlfriend later to see some old friends and just kill the rest if the day. I am also waiting for the mechanic to call me so he can fix the ac in my car. I know summer is almost gone but it is still humid here. I was hoping to get rid of my car but I guess having the ac fixed will keep me quiet for a little while.

I am not doing to good as far as eating and working out like I should but this is my vacation right? I have one more day of messing up and then back to my regular workout. I think I will start back to my "good ways" right before dinner. I will have a nice dinner and be back on track.

I figured out how much money I will have after I collect all the money due to me from Avon orders placed this week and after "business expenses" I will only have $4.50. Wow, I will try not to spend that all in one place.

I guess I should really get ready to go shopping now so I will see ya'll later.

per your request

I was asked where my past James post can be found by Erin. This is a very good question. I decided to make a new blog with all my past drama so you can find it easy. It is all in order so you can start from the top post and work your way down. My new blog is here.

James Part 12

I was in the hospital in labor and James was sitting with me. My mom and stepmom showed up to make sure I was ok after James punched me in the stomach (no...he did not hit me). This is what the nurse said to me when she walked into the room. They could see my blood pressure rise as I told them it was all lies and I wanted everyone out of my room. I told the nurse the real story and they made everyone leave except for James. After a few minutes I asked James to leave also so I could rest and try to get my thoughts together. Why was I going to bring a baby into my crazy world? What in the hell was I thinking? I had no home of my own, I was still in high school. I was with a boyfriend who lies, steals, gets high and cheats on me. I must have been crazy or stupid or maybe both.

I know my mom and stepmom must of been pissed but I did not care. This was all about me and my baby not about them. Take the spotlight off of you for once this is my time....I can not be worried about you selfish ass right now...I am in pain and now my blood pressure was getting to the point of becoming dangerous for the baby. I was doing fine on my own but they wanted to induce the labor because of all the stress I was going through so they wanted to speed thing up a little bit.

I went into labor at 3pm and I went all through the night and at about 3am I asked for the famous epidural shot. It was pretty cool it has this awesome numbing affect...very cool! I was ready to deliver the baby at any time. My mother spoke to the nurse and I was talked into letting my mom watch the birth. They called mom at 8:30am to let her know that she could come in and they could start the delivery. That bitch did not show up until almost 10:00am. She picked up my stepmom and they stopped to get breakfast(this is my family).

I told the nurse...I don't care about her lets just get this over with. James was still sleeping at his buddy's house so I did not have to worry about that drama. Mom did show up on time(in case you were wondering. Delivery was not as bad as I thought it would be. Anna came out and she was the most perfect baby ever! They were surprised because Anna was not the boy that they had told me should would be but that was good for me because I did not want to name my child after James (that is what he wanted). If it was a boy his name was going to be...Robert James. I love that name....Robert was after a guy I met before James...I called him Bobby(I just loved that name and I still do).

I named Anna after a friend of mine in kindergarten. We loved her name because it spells the same forward or backward. Her middle name Rachelle is after an old friend from high school. I loved her name.

After the delivery mom left to go home and they gave me drugs to help with the blood pressure. I fell asleep.......very thirsty because they would not let me have anything to drink.

to be continued.........

day at the beach

We went to the Ocean yesterday and it rained all day. It did not bring us down though because we played in the arcade all day and did some shopping.

On the way to the ocean we saw a huge turtle that should be in the water but it was walking on the street....it looked like a lizard at first glance. We managed to not hit it so that is good news!

On the way home we drove past lots of farms and hunting areas but we saw no animals. It was late and we were almost home as we were coming off the ramp for a busy highway when we saw a baby deer in the road....I am not sure where they live around there because everything is so built up. Greg managed to swerve out of the deers way because we would have been in a major car accident. The deer was eating hay that sell off of someone's truck. The baby deer did not move when he saw us coming he just looked up and then keep eating. I am sure someone had to get hurt last night because of it. He was right in the middle of an off ramp and most people speed when they come around it so they can stay up to speed with the people on the highway.

We still can not believe we saw a deer at that spot and it was at a turning part of the road so we are very lucky that we caught the sight of the deer in time. It was a very dark and rainy night....I guess someone was watching out for us. The only good thing is that it was a rental SUV that we had and it did not flip over.

Well that was our excitement for the day! Today is much more relaxing.

James Part 11

In my last James post I said that I wanted to leave him because of his cheating but I took him back so I would not have to explain it to my mother. Everything was going ok at first. I was working and trying to prepare my self for the birth of our child.

I remember that on Thanksgiving we bought turkey pot pies because mom did not want us to have turkey without her because she worked at the airport so we were going to have out Thanksgiving on Saturday (my day to work). I was not happy that I could not eat with everyone else but when I got home James wanted me to walk down into the basement with him before I made my plate of food. What a surprise it was when I walked down the stairs and saw that he had candles lit and food all laid out on the floor in front of the fireplace so we could enjoy a nice Thanksgiving dinner together. This is the one and only time that he really put thought into what he was doing and it really made me happy. This is the only good memory I have with him.

Time really flew and before I knew it is was December and Christmas was here. I was getting huge and I just wanted to have the baby at this point. I was still dealing with his cheating and I could not forget what he had done to me. James was still staying at my mom's house and he was talking to his mom and things were going pretty good. Christmas was nice. I got things for the baby and James bought me some pawn shop jewelry (that's a ghetto relationship for you).

In January the doctors were worrying me because I should be ready to have the baby and she was just not ready to deal with her father I guess.....I went to a doctors appointment and they asked me if I could go home and relax and put my feet up until Anna was ready to be born. "sure, I can relax...sounds like a good plan." Things had been pretty calm at home. I left the hospital and went home to relax.

James was watching my brothers play a video game in the upstairs bedroom when my stepmom came over to the house. She would always let herself into my mom's house without knocking and when she walked in she picked up the phone downstairs to call my dad and she heard James on the other phone line. She gave me the "you fucking bitch" look and ran upstairs. She slapped James in the head with the phone and he ran out the door. My stepmom ran out the door after him and tried to hit him again. I stood in the way of the both of them and she got in her car. She tried to run me and James over with her car. I ran about a mile in the melting snow to get away from that nut case.

My mother had told my dad one story about James and she was doing the opposite with me. My dad had no idea that James was living in my mothers home with me. I ran to the mall and we went to talk to a girl I worked with and that is when the pain came. I brought the labor on. We had to call a cab to take me to the hospital because this was it.......James was with me at the beginning.............

to be continued..................

vacation

I want this week to go by slow. This is my vacation week and I do not want it to end and it has just started. I have some investigating to do on James so I am waiting until the courts open to do that. We are going to the beach one day this week and my boyfriends youngest son (he's 10) wants to go to Hooters to eat. I am fine with that. I don't see anything wrong with eating there.

Yesterday ended on a nice calm note so I am happy about that. I do not want any stress this week! This is my week! I will make some more James posts this week so you can get the full picture of why I hate him and my family so much.

Everybody have a great day and I will be back at some point during my vacation time....or maybe I won't. I guess you will just have to check back to see.

family sucks

I am so sick of family lies....I am tired of everyone hiding shit from me. I am sick of Jessica trying to act like she is Anna's mother. I am tired of not getting child support money. I hate that my mother is so sneaky (but she is not). I am angry that they all lie and try to hide it but I know the truth anyways. They do not know how to keep things a secret. I am tired of being the only normal person in my family. Why does everything have to be hidden and lied about? I just don't get it.

All I wanted was a normal family...one that could all get along and have an occasional fight but really love each other. Is that to much to ask for? I guess it is. Maybe I should start a new family....I am taking out an ad request for a family....what family member of mine do you want to be? I am the cute young daughter....who are you?

lets play dress me up

I found this site and it is pretty cool. You can play "dress up"here.

HAHA

I give up!

I had a post for you yesterday but my post got lost somewhere..maybe it took a wrong turn, I don't know. There is not to much going on right now. I am hoping to get the sc in my car fixed next week. I am sitting here right now waiting for my girlfriend to call me so I can pick her up from the car shop. Her car is the one that is acting like a brat right now. Our cars hate us!

Ok, I just got the phone call so I have to get ready to leave. I will see ya'll later.

I am one sexy chick!

I had my visit with Todd today (my personal trainer). I am doing awesome! He gave me all the figures of what I have lost....it does not make to much sense to me except for the part when he told me that I am doing really well and I am losing the weight at a "text book" level....he said that there is nothing wrong with that because it is a healthy way to lose the weight and I will have a harder time to gain it all back. I am turning all my fat into muscle.

I am so proud of myself. I knew that I would get good news today. I meet with him again in another month. Pretty soon you will not be able to see me because I will be sooo thin.

Anyways, I am studying for a test for this job interview I have in 2 weeks. I hope I do good on it so I can change jobs. Wish me luck! I am going to read through a cook book I got from Todd today. He sells them in his office but he gave it to me today for free because I am doing such a great job and he of proud of me. I know, I know, I'm good~don't get all jealous.

I have so much to do so I am going to read up on some of my blog friends and I will see ya'll tomorrow.