Friday, July 01, 2005

a call for help

I am asking for help. When I was a little girl I never had the "bird and the bees" talk with my mom. When I did try to talk to her about it (I was 17) she said "I thought you would have had sex by now." This is not an example of how I want my "talk" with Anna to go.

I have already explained to Anna about getting her period and she open to ask me any questions. I am leaving the lines of communication open. Now my eight year old daughter want to know about the "bird and the bees" I can not tell her a story about the stork and she already knows that her theory of me picking her out at wal-mart is not true.....so how do I go about explaining this to a 8 year old. I can not lie to her and make up a story....I tried that when she was younger. What have you done? How do you explain this? I already explained to you how my mother handled this so it is not like I can go by my childhood experience............PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! How have you or would you talk to your kids about this?

I was talking to a guy I work with and he told me that his dad gave him a box of condoms and a XXX tape and told him "use these while you do this." He was 13 at the time. I don't think that will work with Anna. Also I am going to put Anna on the depo (birth control) shot as soon as she get her period. Let me know what you think about that. I just don't want her to make me a grandmother to early. I want her to get an education and be independent before she thinks about babies.

Please let me know what you all are thinking. I really need your help because Anna is asking questions and I am not sure how to answer.....HELP!

14 Comments:

Blogger Stef said...

You might want to speak with your daughter's pediatrician about how to have "the talk" with her. At eight, Anna is defintely old enough for the truth, and I commend you for wanting to give her accurate information.

I gave "the talk" to my sons, because their father was a wuss about it. I didn't want them to learn about sex from someone other than me, then end up in a situation they weren't mature enough to handle. I hope this helps.

10:20 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

That's wise of you to ask for help. It's actually best to visit someone in person such as pediatrician (see tank's grrl) or a minister's WIFE.

Here from Michele's. It took me a long time because something is wrong with her mail doo-dad. You have a nice site.

8:33 AM  
Blogger Indigo said...

I would look for some books at the library on how to approach this with your child, most likely in the parenting section?

In the meantime, start off small with generalizations.

Michele sent me, this is a tough question for a mommy of a 4 year old!

8:37 AM  
Blogger RC said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:00 AM  
Blogger RC said...

When I was that age, my mom didn't tell me the birds and the Bees, my big brother did, and I will never forget it.

He said birds like to fly around with other birds, and when the time comes, they make a nest and have babies, that fall out of the nest, and get squashed by passing cars, if the cats don't get them first, but sometimes one baby bird gets lucky, and makes another nest, unless it is gay.

The bees like to fly around, to collect pollen, then they bring it back to their bee hive factory, to make us honey, then they get blown up with firecrackers, because they forget to let go!

I still don't believe the last story he told me, but I know I'm letting go of the firecrackers this Fourth of July, because it hurts as I know!

I wish you luck Dawn, and I hope you have a nice weekend!

9:01 AM  
Blogger puremood said...

Good luck and do share with how you decide to tell her. My son is almost 8 and thankfully has no clue or interested in such.

Here via Michele this time.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Le laquet said...

There's a fab children's book called Mummy laid an egg by Babette Cole - which is funny and humourous and NOT scary. You might want to look at that? You might think it's too much?!? In the UK, sex ed is covered in primary schools - could your daughter's teacher in school not advise?

Link for book --> http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0099299119/202-7661939-5953466

12:04 PM  
Blogger Better Safe Than Sorry said...

you can probably goggle help on this, just make sure you use a site that doesn't seem sketchy. my kids are 20, 13 and 10, i've had that talk with them, the lines of communication are still open. there is nothing i'm not prepared to talk about, if they have any questions. my youngest daughter, age 10, hasn't had her period yet, but i did buy her "products" so she is ready, she knows it's going to happen, she understands things are going to change in her body. i think the main point is to explain as much to them as they can understand, don't feel embarrassed about anything they might ask you and let them know they can come to you at any time with any questions, they are better to hear it from you then from someone else.

1:03 PM  
Blogger millennium hippies said...

wow okay...i dont' think the xxx tape and a box of condoms is a great idea. LOL

and i honestly don't think the shot is a good idea either. but i'm against the whole drug thing in a big way. i dont like the idea of injecting my body with foreign substances. and especially not in a 13 year old! no way! who knows what that will do to her body in the long run. in addition, if you stick her on automatic birth control, it may make her feel too safe...sure she may not get pregnant, but she may also be a lot less likely to use condoms to prevent STD's. that's super scary.

i guess a lot of what you talk about depends upon what you've already covered, as well as what you want to teach her. are you religious at all? that may sway the conversation as well. just be honest with her. and in everyday life, in ways not related to "the talk", show her how to respect herself and her goals.

maybe you can do some volunteer work with her at an AIDS clinic, and make it a continual thing...where she can see first-hand the effects of having unprotected sex. so that it's something she can experience, and see and feel, and not just something that goes in one ear and out the other, ya know?

i don't know how i will discuss it with my kids, but i don't see it as being a single sit-down conversation. it will probably be more of a gradual thing.

well, that was a whole lotta my $0.02.

when you have the talk, you'll have to post it for us!! :)

oh, and michele sent me! :)

3:20 PM  
Blogger millennium hippies said...

okay one more thing, and i promise i'll go away. LOL

if you are completely honest about sex, including the pros and cons of waiting until she's married/older, as well as the pros and cons of early sex...i think you can trust her to make a good decision. sex can be wonderful, but it can also be painful, both physically and emotionally. you can be lucky and not contract a disease, or you can not be so lucky and die of AIDS, or have herpes for the rest of your life. you can have a baby when you are ready to, or you can accidently have one in high school.

at 8 years old, she is probably only looking for the simple facts. but as she gets older i think it's important to try to remember where she's coming from...try to remember what you felt at that age. not be judgmental...validate what she may be feeling and assure her you understand that, but try to make sure she has all the necessary facts to make her decision.

yikes. i have a boy and two girls and am NOT looking forward to the teenage years. i think i have it easier because we're unschooling, and they don't have the pressures that school kids face.

i wish you luck!!!

3:37 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

I would start by feeling her out a little. Ask her what she has heard about sex. What she knows. Does she know what sex is. Then see if she has any questions for you about sex. Depending on what she says, then you can move a little bit forward in the discussion. Remember, it doesn't have to be all in one sitting.
I am in favor of looking for books on the subject, too. When my daughter was a little bit older than yours, I bought her a book that was for pre-teens that explained all kinds of things about their bodies and the changes that would occur. It had everything from using deodorant to getting your period and how to keep your body clean at that time. She loved that book. She devoured it and took in all the info. It was great. It's such a hard thing, but if you just start talking with her, she will soon become comfortable and so will you.
As for the depo shot, I would wait until her periods have become normal and consistant before doing that. Also, that is something I would speak to a physician about. (But, I know you would be informed. I am in no way accusing you of doing harm in any before someone else accuses me of that.)

Good luck, darlin'!!

6:01 PM  
Blogger Shannin said...

My parents read me "Where Did I Come From?" which covered the basics. I think at 8 she's just looking for a general idea. If she is like most girls her age her reaction will be something like, "Ewwww...do THAT with a boy?"
Good luck!

6:22 PM  
Blogger tinkamarink said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog.

I also have an eight year old and have started thinking about having this talk with her. I agree with what someone else said about the shot making her feel too safe. I'd cover the basics of the physical aspect but go into the mental and emotional aspects of it much more so that she realizes that it is much more than just a physical act. Good luck and let us know how it goes when it happens.

7:19 PM  
Blogger annie said...

I think what Shannin said was right. I think that's the very same book my kids had at that age. I'm sure there are more, check to see that they are age appropriate.
Also, the school also started teaching them "facts" about how their body functions at what 10, 11 years old, in science and health class. I think that's fine.
I think something our culture does not stress is being prepared emotionally as well as physically. You have to try to explain to her (hopefully when she is a little older) what strong emotional feelings and problems can arise from having a relationship like that too young.
As for birth control talk to a doctor about that. I am all for birth control!!! I would rather have people criticize me for having my daughter on birth control, than to criticize me for "letting" her get pregnant at a young age!!!
And I remember when I was young; if they want to do it, they are gonna do it. They take the risk of not being protected because they are not mature enough to fully comprehend the consequences.

1:10 AM  

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