Friday, August 18, 2006

is it called getting older or smarter?

I have a girlfriend that I use to work with almost 7 years ago when I was stripping. She stopped dancing 3 years ago and now she is getting ready to go back. I tried to let her in on how she could make it without dancing but she really does not want anything out of life than that. It is all she knows.

It is what she has done since she was 15 and she is in her 30's now. She looks great but needs to stop at some point right? Don't you have to get a "real job" and take care of your family...after all this is the reason her marriage is breaking up. She was not just a dancer she got "sucked in" and let money control her actions. As her daughter starts high school I just do not think that it is a good idea. It's hard to hide the lifestyle from them and that is not something she wants for her daughter.

I think back on it every so often and I think that the money was good and we had a lot of fun. The job was good at times. I mean really....where else can a girl listen to music, drink, flirt and make money. Now...I am not sure what women think about strippers but trust me we do not want your husband, boyfriend, man or whatever he is.....all we want is his money and if he comes into my club my job is to take his money. I really miss those days. We sure did have some fun times.

We got some crazy ones also. I could tell you some stories that would turn your stomach. There are some sick mother fuckers out there. There are also guy who just want to talk to a nice girl (really) and it's nice when you get guys like that. There were times when we would break down. It was bound to happen to us. It's hard to deal with the guys some gets to be too much. There are other days when it is like a power trip. I was talking to a friend who told me that a guy once told her to look at her self in the mirror and she did..there are mirrors all over the place. She saw herself but had lost herself and could not really see "her" it's all a are not really "you" are who ever they are paying you to be....."you" have no identity....."you" think you do but really you are a plastic doll waiting to be told what to do. You have a some boundaries but for the most part you are there to make a man happy and he makes you happy with money the more money the more happiness that goes around.

I guess that she wants this feeling back.....I will be there for he no matter what...we have been friends for over 9 years now and we have a friendship tattoo on our ankle a group of girls I danced with got tattoos to symbolize our friendship and our struggles together.


Blogger Tia said...

Wow, that is a very honest and real post Dawn. I appreciate getting some insight into the mind of someone that would choose to strip for a living. I worked in a high school where many of our girls worked at the local strip bar. It was hard for me to hear (as a woman, a wife, and a counselor at that) and I still have very conflicting emotions about the whole thing. I think it is wonderful you are there for your friend. Have you told her your concerns especially re. her daughter? How would she feel if she found out her daughter is taking up stripping as well?

7:36 AM  
Blogger Finn said...

I'm here from Michele's today, and I am so glad I stopped by. I have always wanted to know about stripping from the other side. It's not something I ever had the guts to do myself, but I understand the allure of the money and, now, the bit of power.

Thank you for that bit of insight. I hope your friend thinks it through before she decides to go back. It may not be as much fun the second time around.

8:10 AM  
Blogger November Rain said...

hi from michelle's

I guess that she wants this feeling back.....I will be there for he no matter what...we have been friends for over 9 years now and we have a friendship tattoo on our ankle a group of girls I danced with got tattoos to symbolize our friendship and our struggles together.

this here is the most important thing...

None of us even if we do the same thing or have done the same thng completely walk in the others shoes or in this case dance in the others dance shoes

there are small things which make our experience unique but still alike...
so we might not completely get it but we can be there for that person

though your advice may be good advice she may be like many women who need to make choices and decisions even ones that might be not the right ones on her own... for her on growth

but being the friend that is there that is better than any advice


8:43 AM  
Blogger Just a trumpet player said...

I've been intrigued by the Stipping world my whole life : a familly friend is the proud owner of two locations. Going over there, I've seen some weird things ... but also some great, amazing ones !

Michele sent me ; have a great weekend !

9:55 AM  
Blogger utenzi said...

Michele sent me, Dawn.

I've only been to strip joints twice and both times with friends that were regulars. I understand what you mean about the money and identity issues. It's a role to play and money is how to score the game. Sounds like a job that would create a lot of alienation though so I can see why you'd not want your friend to go back. Especially with her kids getting older and more likely to notice...

10:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is an incredible post, Dawn. I never saw this job from your side, and I can only imagine that if you don't separate yourself from the job you are doing, it can quickly get out of control. That said, I have no problem with women doing it to earn a little money -- if they do it of their own free will, then power to 'em. I do have concerns with making it a career, and particular going back into it with an impressionable daughter back home. I hope your friend can be comfortable with her choice.

Here from Michele's!

11:03 AM  
Anonymous Terri said...

Hi from Michele's.....
Glad to read you're no longer stripping. I would think in today's world it could be extremely dangerous. I think it's a woman's choice if this is what she chooses to do to earn a living. But it's the possible danger that's the downside.
So I'm hoping your friend (especially with a daughter) will make the same choice that you ultimately did. All the best to you....

11:31 AM  
Blogger vanx said...

Very interesting post and comments. It is an intriguing world--the dance club world and the world at large. You describe both wonderfully here.

3:59 PM  
Blogger moon said...

I am glad that u no longer do this as a living for many reasons..and I hope your friend will come to listen to your advise. I loved reading your post. It really helps one see the OTHER side or perspective..very educational. Thanks for sharing.
I am here via Michele's today...have a great day.

5:49 PM  
Blogger FallenAngel said...

I just got done reading your other blog - the "James" chronicles. Then I came to this one. I am totally amazed. I found your site from Shellibells. I'm so glad I did. I can relate so much to you. On so many levels. Good luck and I hope we can become friends.

5:30 AM  
Blogger Carmi said...

She is so lucky to have a friend like you. You write so honestly and powerfully about a world that most of us have never known.

I can't help but think that this would be of interest to a newspaper editor. They're always looking for features that stand out from the norm. Your perspectives would definitely be of interest to readers.

7:33 AM  
Blogger carli said...

I agree with what others have written. . . thank you for sharing.
Michele sent me.
And I want a tattoo, but can't decide on one!

11:01 AM  
Blogger Princess said...

Thankyou for your once again honesty. You have such a powerful story Dawn. An i think you are going to help alot of people by using your life story.
Maybe the best thing you can do is to be there for your friend. She may not be able to see things clearly now, but im sure she will come to her sense`s.


8:41 PM  
Anonymous Deana said...

I think I would have liked to try it a bit in my younger days but my parents....well they were the type it would have broken their hearts!

Your friend is lucky she has the body to do it after 30. I've read that most retire by 28 and over 30 is rare. Mostly because men are chauvenists and your skin changes no matter what we do! But good for her!

8:57 AM  
Blogger Yara said...


Well of course it's a little bit weird for non-strippers to see those girls who are so confident with their sexuality. I think the girls that do not have the guts to be a stripper feel treated, not just afraid you will take their men. It's more that you have something we just don't have, guts, confidence.

Now I'm not promoting the job, 'cause at the same time it seems to me such a hard job. I think it's hard to be around all these guys, where a lot of them see you as trash. They see you as their dolls, like you said. They pay and your theirs for a night. I think that when your daughter can be confronted with this job you shouldn't pick it up again. Because when yerks that see her mother as a doll, a toy, the possibility is big that their sons will see her as their fathers see her mother. It's not fair to her daughter to go back to being a stripper.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

Maybe it's not just the money, but the attention. I can imagine it would feel great to have so many men attracted to you and even paying you for being sexy and beautiful. I suppose for someone with low self-esteem this might be a great temporary salve on a lifelone wound. Being there for her is the best thing you can do. You're a great friend.

5:52 PM  

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