Sunday, April 10, 2005

I will not be destroyed

I am really having a hard time trying to get the weight off that I gained when I started working at Lowes 4 years ago. I have always been small with a good figure for my weight. Before I had Anna I was 97lbs. I only gained 20lbs with her and lost it all within one month. I started working at the club(stripping) when she was 6 months old and the most I weighed was 115.

Once I stopped dancing and when I got the job I have now the weight slowly crept on. I am now at 142lbs and very unhappy. My main problem is that I do not feel comfortable in clothes that are not baggy.....the bigger the clothes are the better I feel.

There have been a few things that have happened at work that makes me play down my looks so guys will not get the wrong idea. When I started my job 4 years ago I use to take my break outside so I could call my boyfriend on my cell phone. One day this guy walked up to me and and pointed at my name tag and rubbed his finger along the bottom of my breast. I freaked out...I got his tag number and went back into work and called the cops.

The next problem I had was with a regular customer who asked me out on a date. I told him "no" but he called me a tease because I smile and look in his eyes when we talked. He also told me that I dressed to sexy...???.... All I use to wear was jeans and a t-shirt.....I could not help it that I had a nice figure.....

The worst one that happened was the day one of our salesmen came into the store on his day off(with a lost dog he found) and he walked into our office in the our the store. I worked in an office with 3 other ladies and we had a bunch of file cabinets. I was standing in a bent over position so I could get into the bottom file cabinet when he decided that he wanted to squeeze past me. There were 2 other people in the office at the time and both people were on the phone and not paying attention at the time. He rubbed his nasty self against my a$$ and said "Oh god, that felt soooo good". I freaked...I don't remember everything because it all got fuzzy...all I could see was red! I remember that I snapped at him about having a nasty dog in a place of business and I walked out of the office. I found a co-worker to tell her what happened. We talked in the bathroom and then I decided to take it to management.

I had to write out a report about what happened. They talked to him to see what his side of the story was but of course he denied it. Did I mention that he is a drunk? After management spoke to him I was informed that I could me moved to another part of the store if I felt uncomfortable working with him. Our job is linked together so there was no way for me to avoid him at work.

Why should I have to be the one to move? He is the drunk in the store.....he drive heavy equipment while he is drinking on the job....this is no secret, everyone knows he is a drunk....they knew he was fired from his last job for drinking!

I stayed in my position at work and did not move. He left work for a few months to "clean himself up" He still work with me. I don't see him much now because I did change positions at work(not for that reason).

Anyways, I just have worked so hard to be noticed that I now hate what I have done to myself. I need to get over my fear with these guys and if they can't look but not touch or if they have a problem because I like to smile, listen to them talk to me and look in their eyes then that is their problem not mine!

Most people say that you can't trust someone who will not look in your eyes. I will not look anyone in their eyes because they all seem to take things the wrong way. I will not let them win! This is why I am trying to lose this weight.....for myself! I will loose 25lbs....wish me luck.


Anonymous notyourtypicalsouthernbelle said...

I used to always be really little, too, but now I am huge compared to what I once was. I am trying to get the extra pounds off, and trying to get in a good bit of physical activity as well. So I feel your pain!

I hate leery men in the workplace...and they are all over, no matter where you work, it seems.

At any rate, I eat lean gourmet meals and zone perfect bars most of the time. It seems to be slowly working, but I have such a long way to go that it will be a while before I have lost a noticeable amount.

I rarely ever look anyone in the eyes at work now, either. Nasty perverts always take it the wrong way and ruin it for anyone else!

7:48 PM  
Blogger TrueJerseyGirl said...

I think we have all felt the same know, covering ourselves up (either with extra clothes or extra weight or whatever) to be taken seriously or not be looked at as a sex object. It sucks that we can't be confident and dress confidently and look people in the eye without it being miscontrued.

Well girl, my diet starts tomorrow (did you see the dress I have to wear for the wedding in October?) so we can just do it together. And FEEL GOOD about it.

Oh, Michele sent me but you know I am here every day anyway.

8:01 PM  
Blogger Natsthename said...

Hi, Michele sent me!

Good luck losing weight. That's probably my biggest struggle in life, and it has dogged me since I hit puberty.! Sounds like you've got the confidence in yourself!

9:13 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

Hey Dawn. I can so relate. As you know, I work at Home Depot, and I know what you mean about the men that go thru a store like that. They can be such idiots. Just ignore them and know that you're better than they are.

I was always tiny, even after having three kids, I only weighted 100lbs. Then I quit smoking. OMG! I'm about the same as you now, and that's after trying to diet for about a week. I've never dieted in my life, I've never had to. But I'm determined to lose at least we're in this together!

9:39 PM  
Blogger Sally said...

Dawn, good luck losing the weight. What weight would you be happy with?

12:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish you all the luck in the world girl. I soooo know what you mean. I've been in similar situations with guys and some of them are just pigs. Loose the weight, feel better about yourself, you deserve it.

2:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, that was me, JaG. I'm at work now.

2:50 AM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I am at the poin where I do not care anymore if the girls give me dirty looks and the guys stare...I just want to feel good about myself again.

We can cheer each other on:) Lets get started.

thanks for stopping by

I knew that you would understand:) Some of those men are worse than the guys I use to deal with at the club.

I would like to get in the range of 115-125.....but really I will know when to stop by the way my clothes will fit.

thanks so much for such a nice comment....I will lose this weight!

5:28 AM  
Blogger JohnH985 said...

You know, its hard for me to comment since I'm a guy. But I have to say that you shouldn't have to put up with things like that, especially at work. I was a store manager for years and I once had a female employee tell me that one of my managers made a racy comment to her, about her body. I was livid. I called him in the office and read him the riot act and told him that if it happened again he would be out of a job. He never denied he said it, just that he didn't mean it. I never doubted for a minute her word, she was a good worker and never lied to me about anything before. I just don't think women should have to put up with things like that. If you want to ask a co worker out, ask her, but if she says no, than thats it. I've always made it a point not to date someone that works for me, years ago there was a girl at work that there was definite sparks between us, she liked me and I liked her, but I refused to ask her out, I was her boss. I really wanted to, but I never did and she moved on. Ok, sorry about the length, but sometimes I can get carried away.

7:34 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

thanks for your comment...I wish my boss was more like you:) Don't worry about the long post...I love to hear what everyone thinks about my post and your opinions

Please comment away.........

4:11 PM  
Blogger Melinda said...

You can do it! I know you can. It just takes patience and diligence, but you can so do that.

8:33 PM  

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